The Microsoft Rips

If there is anything I cannot stand, it is being ripped off by some business that mis-represents or outright abuses the word "FREE" or "FREE DOWNLOAD". Microsoft has several such false inducements that remind me of women who offer a freebie and then yell "rape" when some poor horny bastard hesitates to pay the post facto charge for her negotiable affections.

My computer had almost ceased to function. It would slow down and spazz every four or five minutes as software became non-responsive. Being computer semi-literate I began trying to figure out what the problem was. Thanks to the guidance of my good buddy and knower of all things computer, Leon, I came to the conclusion that my trusty laptop was full of shit. I went to the Microsoft website and began researching my problem. Following Microsoft's instructions, I came to the conclusion that I might have a registry problem. They directed me to their "downloads" page. I dutifully followed their directions and downloaded their "Registry Cleaner" software. After running the thing, it told me that my problem was the 4,712 registry errors. According to Microsoft, my computer was more contaminated than Bhopal and Chernobyl combined. Following the list of errors, the program told me it would fix 6 errors. I would have to buy the software if I wanted to clean the rest. After clicking my way through to the checkout I learned that it was going to cost $39.95. Fuck that. Why couldn't they tell me that up front?

Finally, after several days of mucking about and deleting rarely used programs and games with little improvement, I started dumping files wholesale. When I got to the TEMP file I found that it was so full that it took several hours to delete everything. It contained nearly 6 Gb of crap. Once it was gone, the 'puter returned to normal. So much for Microslush diagnostics.

The following exchange refers to a bit of Microsoft's Diagnostic Software promising to make my computer as efficient as the Bush Administration and, more specifically, the Department of Homeland Security.

Chat InformationPlease wait for a site operator to respond.

Chat InformationYou are now chatting with 'Tyler'

Tyler: Welcome to our live chat service!

Tyler: Hello. How may I assist you?

George: Hi Tyler

George: I want to register a complaint

Tyler: Ok.

Tyler: may I please know the problem.

George: Your ad for Error Smart says that it is a FREE download.

Tyler: Yes

Tyler: The software has a free version and a registered version. The free version will scan your computer to check if you need to use our software regularly. Only the registered version will remove the actual problems.

Tyler: Upon registering the software, you also get free access to additional protection software. Plus we offer Active Protection: a full complement of support including email support and 24/7 livechat.

George: Only after the software is downloaded, installed and run

George: then we find out there is a charge

George: Nowhere does the front pages mention a charge

Tyler: the software is free for the scanning.

George: It does not say that

Tyler: to remove the errors, you may please get it registered.

George: It says that it will improve the performance of my computer

Tyler: I am sorry for the troubles.

Tyler: yes, it will,

George: not trouble, misleading

Tyler: the registered version will.

George: right

Tyler: Our program will remove registry errors and faults, making your computer run smoother and faster.

George: but it does not say that until after the initial scan

Tyler: ok

Tyler: We would love to give out this software for free, but it costs us money to keep it updated. Every day there are new Spyware and Adware threats that we have to track and find out how to remove. And since we don't use any advertising to support the software, we have to charge a small fee.

Tyler: You can purchase the program by clicking on the link below.

Tyler: http://www.errorsmart.com/buynow_step2.php

George: The actual cost should be on the front end then I can decide if I want to download based on full information

George: I don't want to purchase what was represented as free

Tyler: Yes, I shall forward this to the concerned department.

George: and functional.

Tyler: ok

George: I will post this issue on my blog

Tyler: ok

George: As this is deceptive advertising

George: not a good image

Tyler: sorry for the troubles you had to go through.

Tyler: you may uninstall it, if you do want it please.

George: not trouble, just deep disappointment.

George: I will wait for a response until close of business tomorrow

George: And to give the benefit, I will consider close of business as Pacific

George: time

Tyler: ok

There ought to be a law requiring them to post the cost of their product on the front page. I like to decide if something is worth the cost or at least know what the bottom line is before I begin. These companies should also be prohibited from installing "Spankware" that loads a lot of crap on my computer if I decide not to buy.

I am switching to Ubuntu. Screw Microslush . . .
err . . .Microsoft.